As a general rule of thumb, we like to keep the marriage proposals as few and far between as possible (I think I maxed out at 4 or 5 in one month) – because while there are a lot of great booties out there, only some will stand the test of time. With saying that, I have confidence that one booty will look as great in 15 years as it does now, and that is why I have penned this open letter to Jen Selter.
I know I’m not the typical muscle man that you probably date, and I’m sure you prefer the smell of his Dolce cologne to that of my basement palace’s mild mix of doritos and sweat, but let me ask you this – can Muscles guarantee you 3 home cooked meals a day? Because mum is always whipping up something in the kitchen and you could set your watch by the dinner bell. While I can’t guarantee you will be sexually satisfied, I can guarantee that I will be – and in the end, it’s better to give than receive, right? I don’t have a ring and I can’t shower you in gifts, but I read an article recently that diamonds are bullshit, so I know you wouldn’t want one of those silly things.
While mum is the number 1 woman in my life, you’ll definitely be my number 2, possibly 1.5! So, how does that sound?
If interested, please have your people contact my people
(mum’s number is 416-555-3828).
PS: Did I mention we have digital cable and high speed internet?
It’s about time: Jennifer Selter is officially famous. She’s going to be on The View on ABC tomorrow morning with Jenny McCarthy, and yep, she’ll be wearing yoga pants. We will be live-Tweeting about it on @girlsinyogapant tomorrow.
Is there a better way to start off the month than with 19 pictures of the internet’s hottest woman? I don’t think so. If you’re not following @JenSelter on Twitter, your feed must be extremely boring. But, we’re here to save the day! Click here for 18 more pictures!
According to The NY Post, Jen Selter has signed with The Legacy Agency, a talent agency that represents Reggie Bush. She now has 2 million Instagram followers and is getting offers to endorse fitness products. Luckily for the marketing people, I know the perfect match for her and will reveal it now, free of charge. Let me paint a picture for you: A 1-hour informercial featuring Jennifer Selter in yoga pants using the Shake Weight in every position possible. Let it sink in. More pics ›